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That's me on the right (All photos by Steve Boxall, Zero-G)

24,000 feet over the Atlantic, east of Long Island, aboard G-Force One, Boeing 727-200 (likely the only 727 spiffed up with winglets). 30 souls on board.

“First parabola. Mars gravity, one-third of Earth’s gravity. Try some push-ups.”

Oh, piffle. This is nothing [boing boing boing]

“Second parabola. Lunar gravity, one-sixth of Earth’s gravity. Try gentle bounces on your knees.”

Eh. [bounce bounce bounce]

“First zero-g parabola. When I say ‘coming down,” get your feet on the floor and lie down.”

[Profanity] [profanity] [profanity] Jesus Chr—What is THIS? Grab the rope! Hold on!

“Coming down.”

Dive for floor. Don’t move head. Stare at spot on ceiling. Breathe. Breathe.

“Second zero-G.”

EEK! Drifting up. Don’t flail! Be graceful. Float across fuselage. Look out, midair, midair! “Sorry!”

“Coming down.”

WHAM! Gravity returns in spades. Bodies keel over like bowling pins.

“Next zero-G.”

Wheeeee! Look, it’s raining M&Ms. An orb of water wobbles by. Someone gobbles it up. Laughter. Squeals. Shrieks.

“Coming down.”

Uh-oh. Pinned against ceiling. Not good. Grab the rope. GRAB THE ROPE! WHOMP! [Profanity]

“Next zero-G.”

Why am I not swanning around, serene and composed and gymnastic, like the women in the promo video? Try a spin. Why is the airplane flying sideways? Are we doing a barrel roll? We all look like a school of uncoordinated fish.

“Coming down.”

Am I scared? Is this fun?

“Next zero-G.”

Oh! Oh! I get it! I GET IT! Easy…easy. Sweep arms back. Swan dive. Yes! Bank left. Don’t hit the floor! WHEEEEEE!

“Next zero-G.”

Hold on to the rope. Somersault. Cartwheel. Back flip. WOO-HOO!

“Coming down.”

Ooh. Sick sacks are out. Some people are not at all happy. Don’t stare.

“Last zero-G. Make it last!”

Nooooo! Not when I’m just getting the hang of it! Wow, this is a LONG one. Spin. Tumble. Cartwheel.

“Coming down. Okay, everybody sit up against the wall.”

Just about everyone is as limp as a deflated balloon.

Man, I could use a cigarette.

NOTE: We did 15 parabolas; not all are accounted for here.

To book your Zero-G flight: www.gozeroG.com

Zero Gravity Corporation (click to embiggen)

In the March 2008 issue, we published “High Fashion,” which chronicled the state of the art in  orbital couture, including “a dress that looked like a giant upside-down shredded coffee filter.” Last Saturday, high over Florida, bride Erin Finnegan, wearing Eri Matsui’s zero-G wedding gown, exchanged vows with groom Noah Fulmor in a ceremony officiated by space tourist Richard Garriott aboard Zero Gravity’s Boeing 727. The couple plan to re-broadcast the event on their Web site, www.zerogravitywedding.com.

Fun, I guess

Am I the only one vacationing on the ground this year?

This guy is traveling to the space station on what he calls a “Poetic Social Mission.” He’s the Canadian billionaire who started Cirque du Soleil.

These two are getting married on one of Zero-G’s weightless flights. Here’s their website. They’re taking donations (yeah, right).

And this guy, my favorite, is living on Airtran airplanes for a month.

On second thought, my plans don’t sound so bad after all.